Why? [Isn't it obvious why? He almost seems a little miffed, except. When his lips part, no words come out. Maybe it's not as obvious as he thought. Maybe he struggles with his words. Or maybe he just-- assumes everyone knows without having to say anything out loud. Whatever the case, it takes him a little longer to lick the taste of ashes off the roof of his mouth and try again.]
Because I-- needed to know. Someone was there. [Ultimately it had nothing to do with the pain. Does it make him sound needy? It certainly sounds like they broke him in solitary. The hallucinations from the sleep deprivation, the dehydration and starvation, he tolerated, but lock him alone in the dark listening to the sound of his own breathing and he starts squirming. It's like a dirty little confession he feels awkward making. Nobody likes to talk about their vulnerabilities. But also, it doesn't make sense. Because try and keep him company now and he would run for the hills. He doesn't actually want anyone there bearing witness to the way he hobbles along, struggling down this long road to normalcy most others take for granted.
That it was by design and fully intentional that textbook trauma bond-forging tactics were inflicted upon him, that he started associating negative consequences nobody in their right minds would ever want with positive attention, that it cultivated within him a burning desire to seek approval and made him pliant and become eager to please never really factored into his self-appraisal. Only his self-perceived weakness makes him feel ashamed that they're even talking about this.]
we only serve trauma here!
Because I-- needed to know. Someone was there. [Ultimately it had nothing to do with the pain. Does it make him sound needy? It certainly sounds like they broke him in solitary. The hallucinations from the sleep deprivation, the dehydration and starvation, he tolerated, but lock him alone in the dark listening to the sound of his own breathing and he starts squirming. It's like a dirty little confession he feels awkward making. Nobody likes to talk about their vulnerabilities. But also, it doesn't make sense. Because try and keep him company now and he would run for the hills. He doesn't actually want anyone there bearing witness to the way he hobbles along, struggling down this long road to normalcy most others take for granted.
That it was by design and fully intentional that textbook trauma bond-forging tactics were inflicted upon him, that he started associating negative consequences nobody in their right minds would ever want with positive attention, that it cultivated within him a burning desire to seek approval and made him pliant and become eager to please never really factored into his self-appraisal. Only his self-perceived weakness makes him feel ashamed that they're even talking about this.]