It wasn't that he was transparent, exactly. Sure, she had a literal lifetime of experience reading people. But moreover, she deeply understood what it felt like to find ghosts around every corner. They had a way of turning up when least expected, but with this mission - well. The room was crowded with them. The companionable silence was welcome. It was nice to know that there was someone else there that understood.
She inclined her head in acknowledgment when he said he was glad she asked for backup. It was easy to read between those lines. And it had been tempting. To go it alone, to keep everyone else's hands clean, to run herself down to nothing to free the rest of the women in the Red Room and take down Dreykov. But Yelena was involved. And that changed everything. She'd done ten lifetime's worth of harm to her sister. She couldn't heap on more for the sake of stubbornness.
Chemical subjugation. So much of her life seemed to circle back around to that mission in Ohio. Sometimes she wondered who she'd be if she hadn't been selected. If maybe the mission wouldn't have been successful if some other team had gone. But you could drown in those what ifs as easily as you could drown in the sea of ghosts.
"They are. It's bad." The answer was succinct, but she knew he didn't need her to draw a vivid picture to understand. With everything they'd both been through, she wouldn't call something bad lightly. She let out a sigh and her eyes closed. There was too much vying for attention in her brain. "I'm going to go sit on a beach for a week after this."
no subject
She inclined her head in acknowledgment when he said he was glad she asked for backup. It was easy to read between those lines. And it had been tempting. To go it alone, to keep everyone else's hands clean, to run herself down to nothing to free the rest of the women in the Red Room and take down Dreykov. But Yelena was involved. And that changed everything. She'd done ten lifetime's worth of harm to her sister. She couldn't heap on more for the sake of stubbornness.
Chemical subjugation. So much of her life seemed to circle back around to that mission in Ohio. Sometimes she wondered who she'd be if she hadn't been selected. If maybe the mission wouldn't have been successful if some other team had gone. But you could drown in those what ifs as easily as you could drown in the sea of ghosts.
"They are. It's bad." The answer was succinct, but she knew he didn't need her to draw a vivid picture to understand. With everything they'd both been through, she wouldn't call something bad lightly. She let out a sigh and her eyes closed. There was too much vying for attention in her brain. "I'm going to go sit on a beach for a week after this."