"Next time I promise I'll only track you down for a light lunch," Natasha promised dryly. The idea of it amused her. She could only imagine what he would have said if he found her lounging in his safe house and asked if he felt like a pastrami and rye. Obviously the answer would have been yes but she was pretty sure he'd give her some well deserved shit first.
She didn't have any superhuman durability of her own, just an unnervingly high tolerance for pain and a single minded determination that bordered on unhealthy on her best days. It would be enough to carry her through what she had to get done, but she could definitely stand to sit still for an evening so she could patch herself up and take a staggering dose of ibuprofen. One thing at a time. She exhaled slowly and got herself onto her feet in time for him to join her.
It would be easier to get to the plane on wheels, but that was what they'd be expecting. Which meant that they'd have to hoof it for a bit. She pulled her phone out and punched in the coordinates before she handed it over to him so he could memorize the map. He wouldn't have settled down in a safe house without figuring out the best escape routes. "We should stay on foot until we're clear of the area, then we can steal a car." She tipped her head back in the direction they'd come from - it would take them back by the explosion, but doubling back was counterintuitive enough that it was the best choice at the moment. Taskmaster had her running scared. Now that she had a minute to breathe, she could make a better plan. "We'll stick to the roofs and climb down at the last building."
“Some light lunch and some light gunfire. It’s a date,” Bucky said, blue eyes practically twinkling with an edge of mischief. His idea of a date with Natasha Romanoff was largely this: staying on the run, under the radar, having each others’ backs. They were both so similar, in both this and her stubborn persistence and pushing herself through injuries — except that the woman didn’t have his durable body, his slightly augmented healing factor, which made her own feats more impressive.
As they set off across the city again, he measured his pace to hers; not handling her with kid gloves, exactly, but making sure he didn’t outpace her and her injuries. Sam had groused a few times in the past about how both Steve and Bucky could keep up with a jeep on foot, leaving everyone else in the dust.
They kept their conversation to the basics: directions, monitoring their surroundings, pinpointing the right car to steal. His metal elbow, smashing through the window so they could get in. As he drove and Nat kept watch, again, he could sense that she was carrying herself with more strung-taut tension than usual. Something about Taskmaster had her so much more rattled than any of their other pursuers; this whole time, she’d been running cheerful circles around all of SHIELD and the American government.
This was different.
It’s the Red Room that’s after me.
But the rest of the trip was thankfully quiet, and they eventually made it to the airstrip without incident; they swapped off piloting for the short flight; finally let some of their hackles drop once they were safely in the air and chewing up the rest of the distance to Russia.
Russia.
The closer they drew to her birth country and his pseudo-adopted one, the more his own tension mounted. Even after they landed and were on their way to somewhere to rest before the next day’s prison break, Bucky’s watchful gaze took in the street signs, the posters, the Cyrillic. When they let themselves into the next anonymous barebones apartment, the exhaustion seemed to finally visibly sag into his shoulderblades. It was the middle of the night by now, and they’d both been running on fumes.
“Well,” he said. “Home sweet home.”
It wasn’t. The safehouse itself was just like any other anonymous bolthole they’d holed themselves up in, and similar to the one she’d found him in, but being back in this country itself seemed to have settled under his skin again too: hunted, haunted.
"You're going to have to look a little less happy about the idea if you want me to believe you the next time you tell me my idea is crazy," Natasha pointed out with a grin. A little humor went a long way when things were grim. If she could still laugh, it meant that she still had enough in her to fight her way through the next obstacle and the next.
She was grateful for his steady presence, for the unwavering way he'd jumped on board this mission. The trip to Russia was long, made even longer by what she knew waited for her there. With the adrenaline of the fight drained from her body, all she could feel were her various bruises and scrapes. Or maybe it was just that her physical hurts were easier to focus on, because it wasn't just a mission. It was personal. It was her own past unfolding in front of her again, raw and aching. She thought she'd brought down the Red Room before. There would be no space for error this time. It had to end. It had to.
By the time they finally landed in the next safe house, she was ready to crash. And there were about a thousand things she wanted - a long hot shower, a full meal, fifteen hours of sleep. But they were going to be working on rations of everything until they managed to untangle the mess Dreykov had made of so many lives. Even so, she could hear it in his voice - the shadow that being back in Russia cast over him and she reached over to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.
And then she moved past him, into the kitchen where she knew a first aid kit would be waiting. There wasn't too much she could do for her injuries other than gulp down three ibuprofen, which was exactly what she did with a bottle of water from the fridge. As exhausted as she was, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to sleep. Not with the way her mind kept turning over and over. So instead she moved back into the shabby little living room and dropped down onto the couch. "There will be some food in the cabinets, if you want something," she said, her elbow on the back of the couch as she propped her head up on her hand. "Nothing good, but still food." Her own little anonymous support network was reliable, but it wasn't exactly built for glamour. And with his metabolism, she knew he had to be feeling the effects of their frenzied flight out of his last hideaway.
She watched him in silence for a moment. It felt like they were surrounded by creeping darkness. Or echoes, maybe. All the long years of hurt they had both inflicted and had inflicted on them, circling tighter. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this," she commented. "But I'm glad you're here." There was a duality to the sentiment that she knew wouldn't have made sense to a lot of people. But she suspected that he'd get it.
After she squeezed his shoulder — was he so transparent? maybe just to Natasha; she was an expert reader of people, and she wasn’t always searching for some pre-war version of him in his expression — and told him about the food, then Bucky was already moving on autopilot to start rifling through the kitchen. He was quiet; there was just the small noise of cabinet doors opening and closing as he dug out some sustenance, finding some old canned soup and hardy unopened crackers. Hunger was almost always gnawing in his stomach thanks to that metabolism, and so he didn’t waste any time in making himself at home, and at home in that silence.
It was companionable. Not exactly uncomfortable. Neither of them were the type to get nervous with the quiet or start talking simply to fill it up. So when she spoke again, Bucky looked up sharply, in the middle of cracking open that can.
“I’m glad you asked for backup,” he said, because just as easily, there was another version of this story where Nat might have tried to hack it on her own. Saying she was a lone wolf was an understatement.
“And if they’re using chemical subjugation…” His voice trailed off. “Let’s just say it’s relevant to my interests, to shut this shit down with you.”
It wasn't that he was transparent, exactly. Sure, she had a literal lifetime of experience reading people. But moreover, she deeply understood what it felt like to find ghosts around every corner. They had a way of turning up when least expected, but with this mission - well. The room was crowded with them. The companionable silence was welcome. It was nice to know that there was someone else there that understood.
She inclined her head in acknowledgment when he said he was glad she asked for backup. It was easy to read between those lines. And it had been tempting. To go it alone, to keep everyone else's hands clean, to run herself down to nothing to free the rest of the women in the Red Room and take down Dreykov. But Yelena was involved. And that changed everything. She'd done ten lifetime's worth of harm to her sister. She couldn't heap on more for the sake of stubbornness.
Chemical subjugation. So much of her life seemed to circle back around to that mission in Ohio. Sometimes she wondered who she'd be if she hadn't been selected. If maybe the mission wouldn't have been successful if some other team had gone. But you could drown in those what ifs as easily as you could drown in the sea of ghosts.
"They are. It's bad." The answer was succinct, but she knew he didn't need her to draw a vivid picture to understand. With everything they'd both been through, she wouldn't call something bad lightly. She let out a sigh and her eyes closed. There was too much vying for attention in her brain. "I'm going to go sit on a beach for a week after this."
“Hey, I’ll even go with you. If you’re gonna drag me to the ass end of Russia, you can at least let me tag along on the better trips.” He emptied the soup into the pot, clicked on the gas, and then stirred the clumpy mess a little longer before looking over at her.
Natasha looked so, so tired. It wasn’t exactly something he’d point out, like You look like shit, but the truth remained that he generally healed faster than her, and he’d also never seen her quite this haggard. She rarely ever let a situation get to her this badly. Which meant this truly was personal.
So. Instead of focusing just yet on that impossible task awaiting them — a high-security jailbreak, and striving to take down a global organisation which had sunk its claws into the world, just as insidious and slippery and brutal as HYDRA — he focused on that thread of impossible daydream instead.
“At the risk of this sounding like the saddest shit ever, I haven’t been on a vacation in decades,” Bucky pointed out, after a pause. “I could probably go for a Hawaiian shirt and a piña colada on a beach.”
Her mouth curled in a half smile when he answered her, not opening her eyes at first. Part of her wasn't entirely convinced she'd make it out of this mission alive. Maybe she didn't think she deserved to. She'd been running on borrowed time for years. That was just the price of the work she did. And moreover, it was a price she'd earned a thousand times over.
It was hard not to be maudlin, in a room full of ghosts. Maybe a full night's sleep would clear some of them out from the corners.
When he continued, her head lifted so she could look at him, an amused look on her face. "Careful, Barnes, I'll hold you to that. You'd look good in a Hawaiian shirt." Which was to say he'd probably look grumpy and annoyed and she'd get a real kick out of it. It was an impossible dream, but a nice one. Neither of them could really claim that they did a good job of relaxing. So she picked up the thread of it as she mused aloud, "bet I could find a private beach somewhere."
“I’ve broken into military installations, private homes, international embassies, factories, prisons,” Bucky rattled off contemplatively, like itemising most of a century’s worth of ugly work and missions conducted in the dead of night, “and on one really bizarre occasion, a carnival after hours. A man got eaten by a tiger.”
It had been an unconventional way to see the job through, for sure.
Which might’ve been appallingly dark humour around anyone else. He couldn’t levy it around just anyone — Steve would have blanched — but now that he’s with Nat again, he gets to drop some of his hackles. Resurrecting his ability to find that absurdist, tragicomic streak in it all; peeling back one more layer, and behaving more himself. The himself that he’d become.
“So if we need to sneak onto someone’s private beach afterward, hell, that’s nothing.”
Her brow quirked as the list of places he'd broken into grew, until finally a mischievous smirk curled her lips. Eaten by a tiger indeed. "Get a lion and a bear and you've got a full theme. Oh my." That was certainly an unconventional way to see a job done. It might even have her bested for most unconventional solution. Certainly for assassinations, but maybe not for spy work. But that dark humor was a horrible necessity to the line of work they'd both been in. If you couldn't laugh about it, there weren't many other tolerable responses.
"Well, we might not even have to sneak. I've got a few favors left I haven't called in. I'm sure one of them is with someone that could land us on a private beach somewhere. Maybe even a private island." Which would be ideal. She could do with a little peace and quiet. So much of her life had been spent looking over her shoulder, and the last few months hadn't exactly been a break from that. It would be nice to plant herself in the sand for a while.
If she ever got there.
Her head leaned on her hand as she nodded over toward the kitchen. "What kind of soup did they leave this time? The last time I had to use a safe house it was all clam chowder." The sentence was punctuated with a nose scrunch to illustrate exactly what she thought of that dietary option. It was a ridiculously light hearted topic, given everything they'd face the following day, but it served the same purpose as that dark humor. They'd have plenty of time to dig into planning. This might be the last chance they had to catch their breath for a few days.
“Chicken noodle. I’m making a double batch, if you want some.”
It was something so banal: standing in a kitchen with Natasha Romanoff, cooking dinner for him-slash-them, the quiet Russian night sitting heavy outside their dark windows. He wished that was all it was, and that they could just sit tight and enjoy it properly without some masked monster blowing up the whole street to get at them. If he squinted, this could just be an evening in with a friend, with no further concerns haunting them, no complicated mission waiting for them at the end of the road.
Which, speaking of those complications.
Bucky glanced back at her. Wanted to keep the conversation light, frothy — private beaches and holidays, he wasn’t above teasing the idea of Nat in a bikini — but the curiosity was digging beneath his skin like a thorn in his paw, and so he had to ask.
“So it was a family cover story, right? But you still call him your father?”
"Yes please." It was a simple answer, but she was hungry. She couldn't remember the last time she'd stopped long enough to eat something. If the kitchen only held clam chowder again, she probably still would have bolted down a bowl.
It was nice, to let herself get lost in the tide of light conversation for a while. She could almost picture the bleached white shoreline, the warm ocean water, the sun over head. Just about as far away from a cold Russian night as you could get. When he asked about the family cover story, the fabricated beach in her mind's eye faded, replaced by that sandy landing strip in Cuba. There was a momentary pause before she said, "family's complicated." The ring of soldiers. Melina laying on a stretcher. Her last desperate attempt to protect Yelena.
It was quiet again after she said that. She'd known, she'd always known, that their lives in Ohio had been a fiction. But it had been a beautiful fiction. One that a child that grew up learning how to be a weapon couldn't help but want to believe. It had been harder for Yelena, she knew. She'd been so young.
Natasha cleared her throat and shifted forward so that she could fold her arms along the back of the couch as she looked into the kitchen at him. "My family abandoned me when I was born, so I was raised in the Red Room. Those three years we spent in Ohio were the only time I ever had a family. Even if it wasn't real." She pointed at the bag that contained the antidote, an indicator that he could get it if he wanted to look. "There's photo booth pictures in there of me and Yelena. We both had half of the strip while we were in there. Alexei let Dreykov take us back. But they're all still a part of me." Her mouth quirked into a tired little half smile. "For better or worse."
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no subject
She didn't have any superhuman durability of her own, just an unnervingly high tolerance for pain and a single minded determination that bordered on unhealthy on her best days. It would be enough to carry her through what she had to get done, but she could definitely stand to sit still for an evening so she could patch herself up and take a staggering dose of ibuprofen. One thing at a time. She exhaled slowly and got herself onto her feet in time for him to join her.
It would be easier to get to the plane on wheels, but that was what they'd be expecting. Which meant that they'd have to hoof it for a bit. She pulled her phone out and punched in the coordinates before she handed it over to him so he could memorize the map. He wouldn't have settled down in a safe house without figuring out the best escape routes. "We should stay on foot until we're clear of the area, then we can steal a car." She tipped her head back in the direction they'd come from - it would take them back by the explosion, but doubling back was counterintuitive enough that it was the best choice at the moment. Taskmaster had her running scared. Now that she had a minute to breathe, she could make a better plan. "We'll stick to the roofs and climb down at the last building."
no subject
As they set off across the city again, he measured his pace to hers; not handling her with kid gloves, exactly, but making sure he didn’t outpace her and her injuries. Sam had groused a few times in the past about how both Steve and Bucky could keep up with a jeep on foot, leaving everyone else in the dust.
They kept their conversation to the basics: directions, monitoring their surroundings, pinpointing the right car to steal. His metal elbow, smashing through the window so they could get in. As he drove and Nat kept watch, again, he could sense that she was carrying herself with more strung-taut tension than usual. Something about Taskmaster had her so much more rattled than any of their other pursuers; this whole time, she’d been running cheerful circles around all of SHIELD and the American government.
This was different.
It’s the Red Room that’s after me.
But the rest of the trip was thankfully quiet, and they eventually made it to the airstrip without incident; they swapped off piloting for the short flight; finally let some of their hackles drop once they were safely in the air and chewing up the rest of the distance to Russia.
Russia.
The closer they drew to her birth country and his pseudo-adopted one, the more his own tension mounted. Even after they landed and were on their way to somewhere to rest before the next day’s prison break, Bucky’s watchful gaze took in the street signs, the posters, the Cyrillic. When they let themselves into the next anonymous barebones apartment, the exhaustion seemed to finally visibly sag into his shoulderblades. It was the middle of the night by now, and they’d both been running on fumes.
“Well,” he said. “Home sweet home.”
It wasn’t. The safehouse itself was just like any other anonymous bolthole they’d holed themselves up in, and similar to the one she’d found him in, but being back in this country itself seemed to have settled under his skin again too: hunted, haunted.
no subject
She was grateful for his steady presence, for the unwavering way he'd jumped on board this mission. The trip to Russia was long, made even longer by what she knew waited for her there. With the adrenaline of the fight drained from her body, all she could feel were her various bruises and scrapes. Or maybe it was just that her physical hurts were easier to focus on, because it wasn't just a mission. It was personal. It was her own past unfolding in front of her again, raw and aching. She thought she'd brought down the Red Room before. There would be no space for error this time. It had to end. It had to.
By the time they finally landed in the next safe house, she was ready to crash. And there were about a thousand things she wanted - a long hot shower, a full meal, fifteen hours of sleep. But they were going to be working on rations of everything until they managed to untangle the mess Dreykov had made of so many lives. Even so, she could hear it in his voice - the shadow that being back in Russia cast over him and she reached over to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.
And then she moved past him, into the kitchen where she knew a first aid kit would be waiting. There wasn't too much she could do for her injuries other than gulp down three ibuprofen, which was exactly what she did with a bottle of water from the fridge. As exhausted as she was, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to sleep. Not with the way her mind kept turning over and over. So instead she moved back into the shabby little living room and dropped down onto the couch. "There will be some food in the cabinets, if you want something," she said, her elbow on the back of the couch as she propped her head up on her hand. "Nothing good, but still food." Her own little anonymous support network was reliable, but it wasn't exactly built for glamour. And with his metabolism, she knew he had to be feeling the effects of their frenzied flight out of his last hideaway.
She watched him in silence for a moment. It felt like they were surrounded by creeping darkness. Or echoes, maybe. All the long years of hurt they had both inflicted and had inflicted on them, circling tighter. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this," she commented. "But I'm glad you're here." There was a duality to the sentiment that she knew wouldn't have made sense to a lot of people. But she suspected that he'd get it.
no subject
It was companionable. Not exactly uncomfortable. Neither of them were the type to get nervous with the quiet or start talking simply to fill it up. So when she spoke again, Bucky looked up sharply, in the middle of cracking open that can.
“I’m glad you asked for backup,” he said, because just as easily, there was another version of this story where Nat might have tried to hack it on her own. Saying she was a lone wolf was an understatement.
“And if they’re using chemical subjugation…” His voice trailed off. “Let’s just say it’s relevant to my interests, to shut this shit down with you.”
no subject
She inclined her head in acknowledgment when he said he was glad she asked for backup. It was easy to read between those lines. And it had been tempting. To go it alone, to keep everyone else's hands clean, to run herself down to nothing to free the rest of the women in the Red Room and take down Dreykov. But Yelena was involved. And that changed everything. She'd done ten lifetime's worth of harm to her sister. She couldn't heap on more for the sake of stubbornness.
Chemical subjugation. So much of her life seemed to circle back around to that mission in Ohio. Sometimes she wondered who she'd be if she hadn't been selected. If maybe the mission wouldn't have been successful if some other team had gone. But you could drown in those what ifs as easily as you could drown in the sea of ghosts.
"They are. It's bad." The answer was succinct, but she knew he didn't need her to draw a vivid picture to understand. With everything they'd both been through, she wouldn't call something bad lightly. She let out a sigh and her eyes closed. There was too much vying for attention in her brain. "I'm going to go sit on a beach for a week after this."
no subject
Natasha looked so, so tired. It wasn’t exactly something he’d point out, like You look like shit, but the truth remained that he generally healed faster than her, and he’d also never seen her quite this haggard. She rarely ever let a situation get to her this badly. Which meant this truly was personal.
So. Instead of focusing just yet on that impossible task awaiting them — a high-security jailbreak, and striving to take down a global organisation which had sunk its claws into the world, just as insidious and slippery and brutal as HYDRA — he focused on that thread of impossible daydream instead.
“At the risk of this sounding like the saddest shit ever, I haven’t been on a vacation in decades,” Bucky pointed out, after a pause. “I could probably go for a Hawaiian shirt and a piña colada on a beach.”
no subject
It was hard not to be maudlin, in a room full of ghosts. Maybe a full night's sleep would clear some of them out from the corners.
When he continued, her head lifted so she could look at him, an amused look on her face. "Careful, Barnes, I'll hold you to that. You'd look good in a Hawaiian shirt." Which was to say he'd probably look grumpy and annoyed and she'd get a real kick out of it. It was an impossible dream, but a nice one. Neither of them could really claim that they did a good job of relaxing. So she picked up the thread of it as she mused aloud, "bet I could find a private beach somewhere."
no subject
It had been an unconventional way to see the job through, for sure.
Which might’ve been appallingly dark humour around anyone else. He couldn’t levy it around just anyone — Steve would have blanched — but now that he’s with Nat again, he gets to drop some of his hackles. Resurrecting his ability to find that absurdist, tragicomic streak in it all; peeling back one more layer, and behaving more himself. The himself that he’d become.
“So if we need to sneak onto someone’s private beach afterward, hell, that’s nothing.”
no subject
"Well, we might not even have to sneak. I've got a few favors left I haven't called in. I'm sure one of them is with someone that could land us on a private beach somewhere. Maybe even a private island." Which would be ideal. She could do with a little peace and quiet. So much of her life had been spent looking over her shoulder, and the last few months hadn't exactly been a break from that. It would be nice to plant herself in the sand for a while.
If she ever got there.
Her head leaned on her hand as she nodded over toward the kitchen. "What kind of soup did they leave this time? The last time I had to use a safe house it was all clam chowder." The sentence was punctuated with a nose scrunch to illustrate exactly what she thought of that dietary option. It was a ridiculously light hearted topic, given everything they'd face the following day, but it served the same purpose as that dark humor. They'd have plenty of time to dig into planning. This might be the last chance they had to catch their breath for a few days.
no subject
It was something so banal: standing in a kitchen with Natasha Romanoff, cooking dinner for him-slash-them, the quiet Russian night sitting heavy outside their dark windows. He wished that was all it was, and that they could just sit tight and enjoy it properly without some masked monster blowing up the whole street to get at them. If he squinted, this could just be an evening in with a friend, with no further concerns haunting them, no complicated mission waiting for them at the end of the road.
Which, speaking of those complications.
Bucky glanced back at her. Wanted to keep the conversation light, frothy — private beaches and holidays, he wasn’t above teasing the idea of Nat in a bikini — but the curiosity was digging beneath his skin like a thorn in his paw, and so he had to ask.
“So it was a family cover story, right? But you still call him your father?”
no subject
It was nice, to let herself get lost in the tide of light conversation for a while. She could almost picture the bleached white shoreline, the warm ocean water, the sun over head. Just about as far away from a cold Russian night as you could get. When he asked about the family cover story, the fabricated beach in her mind's eye faded, replaced by that sandy landing strip in Cuba. There was a momentary pause before she said, "family's complicated." The ring of soldiers. Melina laying on a stretcher. Her last desperate attempt to protect Yelena.
It was quiet again after she said that. She'd known, she'd always known, that their lives in Ohio had been a fiction. But it had been a beautiful fiction. One that a child that grew up learning how to be a weapon couldn't help but want to believe. It had been harder for Yelena, she knew. She'd been so young.
Natasha cleared her throat and shifted forward so that she could fold her arms along the back of the couch as she looked into the kitchen at him. "My family abandoned me when I was born, so I was raised in the Red Room. Those three years we spent in Ohio were the only time I ever had a family. Even if it wasn't real." She pointed at the bag that contained the antidote, an indicator that he could get it if he wanted to look. "There's photo booth pictures in there of me and Yelena. We both had half of the strip while we were in there. Alexei let Dreykov take us back. But they're all still a part of me." Her mouth quirked into a tired little half smile. "For better or worse."